向着月球漫步而去

The Bag Lady 发表于 2009-07-07 16:01:12

 

仿佛所有的天才都逃不过"猝死"的结局, 这个永远长不大的彼得潘的突然陨落, 被一次次地反复与猫王, 肯尼迪, 列侬同时提起... 

我并不是MJ的歌迷, 更不是拥趸, 甚至在早期更对他的音乐多多少少有点不屑. 

不知什么时候, 家里有了DVD机的时候, 也有了一张他的精选MV的DVD(是谁给我的??), 之前那些BLACK & WHITE, EARTH SONG, REMEMBER THE TIME的MV确实拍得精致, 也早就看过, 不过深深吸引我的却是他还在皮肤黝黑的时代, 带着银色闪亮的手套, 唱着BILLIE JEAN, 还有那眩人的MOON WALK, 后来我才知道那就是在MOTOWN 25周年的纪念晚会上他第一次公开表演MOON WALK...

前周五, 为了与日益老去而逐渐丧失的强记忆力做对抗, 我早早地起床, 准备背书, 却赫然看见翡翠台的早间新闻画面(无论是什么新闻画面) 左边总挂着一排标题"美国巨星米高杰逊去世", 当时两眼惺忪的我大叫:不会吧? 还定睛再看了看以确定... 连我这种非歌迷的人都觉得难以置信, 更别说那些死忠的粉丝了... 

然后我就想到了列侬... 

一种莫名的伤感突然上心...

生命说是不公平的, 冥冥中却也是公平的. MJ好像看起来什么都有了, 有名, 有钱, 有才能, 可是, 他却是一个终其一生都不快乐的人. 没有可以完全信赖的朋友, 在我看来, 连他的家人(特别是他那个鸟爸), 经纪公司, 唱片公司也全都是一群不停地从他身上压榨, 索取利益的人. 一个没有童年的人, 一个在长大后,有了名利后,出于补偿心理不断想"赎"回自己童年的人, 一个半夜会跑到他的梦幻乐园里, 开启旋转木马的人, 这真是一个孤独的人. 他常常羡慕天上的星星, 因为它们从来不是孤单一个...

是的, you cannot have it all...

上网查过他的星盘. 确实是一个性格复杂有矛盾的人. 太阳处女, 就如他自己说的, 他从来对什么事都不完全满意, 因为他是个完美主义者, 所以他不停地整容, 不停地修改; 月亮出乎意料地落在双鱼, 这也许能解释为什么他的嗓音总是那么清亮, 也能解释为什么他那么有爱心, 慷慨, 一个人撑起39个慈善团体, 被载入吉尼斯世界纪录; 也能解释为什么他不是一个善于理财的; 也能解释为什么他对没有童年这一事实耿耿于怀, 一直沉溺于过去, 敏感容易受伤却又任性; 也更能解释当第一次被控告猥亵儿童时, 他给了钱了事, 然后躲起来(那个钱德勒不是最近又出来说他爸纯粹是敲诈?)... 水星和金星都在狮子, 所以你能明白为什么他每次在MTV里的出场都要像王者一样, 有庞大的军队簇拥着他...

其实在这个时候走, 或许相对来说更合适吧. 其实他的身体条件已经不允许他再上台演出, 演出公司应该也明白... 没有来得及谢幕就先离开, 其实或许更好...

思绪琐碎, 前面一个没完又被后面一个打断... 写得前言不搭后语... 死者长已矣, 只希望那么多的纷纷扰扰, 随着逝者的下葬, 一切都将很快平息... 

This is the end of an era...



提起MJ, 大家会想起或许就是强节奏, 然后他随即捂着裤裆跳舞... 人们总是谈论着他的肤色, 整容, 服装, 形象, 舞蹈, 以及如何引领MTV先河, 他的音乐如何跨越种族, 国界, 云云.... 却忘了, 当他还是个小孩的时候, 他的歌声就已经是怎样地了得, 怎样地与他的年龄不相称的了得...



Little Michael Jackson - Ain't no sunshine


Little Michael Jackson - Who's loving you


Michael Jackson - Rock with you



You're often imitated, but never duplicated... May you rest in Peace...

关键词(Tag): michael jackson 星盘 moonwalk
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对小孩的爱/Love for a Child

Bag Lady 发表于 2009-03-27 23:00:00

不知不觉手上这个银白色的Apple Shuffle已经买了一年有多, 这可能是我花的最好的428块钱(之一).
300多天来, 无论是阳光刺眼的白天, 还是灰红的黄昏, 是为了昏昏欲睡却赶着上班的我, 抑或是一身疲倦, 旁带苦闷的我, 你总缠绕在我耳边, 夹咬在我包沿, 或是被怀揣在兜里… 谁都来去匆匆, 你却一直都在(当然, 请小偷和粗心远离我…), 有了你的陪伴, 就连车窗外那再枯燥得不行的街灯, 都活像最美的霓虹灯, 伴随着耳中的节奏一闪而过的闪烁着, 躲到我身后, 在空中划出一道道最迷你的银河… 是的, 每当在这样一个时刻, 公车(虽然有时我也会幻想是在自己的私家车里)在路上驰骋的时刻, 我都有一种’我仿佛感觉到深圳的心脏在跳动’的感觉(更有一种’心随我动, 大洋摩托’的感觉, 哈哈~~)
 
没有显示屏的你(是的, 我只买得起这种价位的你), 总需要我在iTunes里将所有的音乐按表演者的顺序排好, 以便我辨识或搜寻… 这样的好处是即便是像在路上听歌这样一件小事对于我来说都充满了意外 – 因为我常常被自己所挑选的曲目’惊喜’ 到, 或者, ’惊吓’到.
 
今晚, 是个惊喜.
 
也该是时候了.
 
我不知道在去年我初听 We sing, we dance, we steal things 这专辑的时候, 这歌是如何被自己overlook 掉的? 或许在等某一个更恰当的时候被发现吧.
 
自从列侬之后, 就再没有任何一位歌者能写出让我这样有共鸣的东西, 也从没有一个人的博客能如此牵动我的情绪:- 他那搞笑的巡演时间分配解析图让我差点没在死寂的办公室里捧腹大笑出来; 而他那关于”除夕是如何过的也预示着你新的一年将会如何度过”的博文, 当他写到除夕之夜当家人都在屋里等待新年的到来, 他却一个人偷偷跑到屋外抬头询问宇宙他当时所做的一切是否会有益于他自己的生命时, 空中突然有一颗流星一闪而过, 一颗喜悦的泪珠在他被冻僵的脸上划出了一个道子… 我的眼眶也莫名地湿了, 他的确是幸运的; 还有他用一种极其平静却又透着爱国主义的语调描述这圣地亚哥大火是如何步步逼近他的家, 而他需要紧急赶回去为遣散做准备时,我的心也被紧紧揪住, 只希望他和他的猫都没事, 虽然我非常清楚这场大火已是两年前的事了…
 
他就是一个这样天生的会讲故事的人. 一个等同于芝麻一样体积的容易被人忽略的细节, 放到他手里都可以变成最引人入胜的故事…
 
噢, 我回来了…
就是为什么今晚会是个惊喜?
 
因为, 从没有显示屏的shuffle里流淌出来的是一把难得的班卓琴, 然后就听到他轻轻的唱着:


Jason Mraz - Love for a child

There's a picture on my kitchen wall
Looks like Jesus and his friends involved
There's a party getting started in the yard
There's a couple getting steamy in the car parked in the drive
Was I too young to see this with my eyes?

By the pool last night, apparently
The chemicals weren't mixed properly
You hit your head and then forgot your name
And then you woke up at the bottom by the drain
And now your altitude and memory's a shame

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I like to believe it was all about love for a child

And when the house was left in shambles
Who was there to handle all the broken bits of glass
Was it mom who put my dad out on his ass or the other way around
Well I'm far too old to care about that now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I'd like to believe it was all about love for a child

It's kinda nice to work the floor since the divorce
I've been enjoying both my Christmases and my birthday cakes
And taking drugs and making love at far too young an age
And they never check to see my grades
What a fool I'd be to start complaining now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I'd love to believe it's all about love for a child

It was all about love... 
 
这可能是迄今为止我所听到的Mraz最富自传色彩的一首歌. 他在用非常乐观的态度看待多年前父母离异对他所产生的影响. 但其实众所周知这样的事情能对小孩有积极影响的是少之又少.我想除了JM本身希望他的音乐充满着POSITIVITY这一根本原因外, 更重要的是,用如此乐观的TONE调来描述负面的事情,其产生的化学作用与强烈的反差效果是非常明显的…
或者因为他已经过了30岁, 这样的经历需要一定时间的消化和沉淀. 或许也像他歌里唱的, 无论父母间发生了什么事, 换个角度看都可以是父母对小孩的 “爱” – 哪怕是对你的忽略, 不理睬, 不关爱, 只要你扛得住并熬过这一切, 你对生活, 挫折, 人际关系及其它一切都会有不一样的理解, 这样对你也是 “爱”啊! 哪怕可能这种 “爱” 是在不自知的情况下给予的.
  
有时的不作为, 多年以后, 经过不同人的消化, 也可以成为某种程度的一种作为.
 
感谢JM, 让我对爱的定义有了全新的理解.
 
眼泪跑出来是因为它们希望主人有天回首看待功能紊乱, 运作不良的家庭, 父母间灾难般的婚姻及荒谬难以理解的糟糕母女关系时, 也可以耸耸肩, 这样说到:-
I’m far too old to care about that now / What a fool I’d be to start complaining now / I’d love to believe it’s all about love for a child.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Insensibly, this silver white Apple Shuffle has been owned for more than a year, this is probably the best 428 RMB I’ve ever spent.
 
For more than 300 days, whether it’s the bright eye-stinging sunny day, or the grey-red dusk; whether it’s for the drowsy rushing-to-work me, or the exhausting-dejecting me, you are always there, enwinding around my ears, clipped to my bag edge, or held inside my pocket… with your companion, even the most boring street lamps become the most delightful neon lights, flickering and bouncing to the beats inside of my ears, hide behind me and turn into dozens & dozens of mini milky ways… When it’s a moment like this, a moment that the bus is galloping on the road (although sometimes I’d picture myself in my own hypothetical car), I would have this ‘I can feel the heart of Shenzhen is bouncing’ kinda feeling…
 
You don’t have a screen (yes, I can only afford this version of ‘you’), that’s why all the songs need to be arranged in Performer’s order, so that it’d be possible for me to recognize and search… The good thing about this is that even the tiny thing like listening to Shuffle on the road is filled with surprises – I would be surprised by my own selections, but not always necessarily in a good way.
 
Tonight, it is – in a good way.
 
It’s about time.
 
I don’t know how this song got overlooked during my first listening to We sing, we dance and we steal things album last year? Probably was saved to be discovered at a much more appropriate moment…I guess?
 
Ever since Lennon, there hasn’t been any thing anyone wrote could give me such strong connections, nor any blogger’s blog could affect my mood in such a way:- I almost burst out laughing in the dead silent office because of his hilarious tour time proportion graphic; and his blog on his belief that however you spend your New Year’s Celebration, it will be reflected in the year ahead -- there was a circle of moist laid under my eyelids when he got to the part that while his family was waiting for the new year he snuck outside and asked the universe whatever he was doing back then with his life was... working, then he caught sight of a shooting star & a joy filled tear picked up where it left off and carved a frozen path down his cheek… he is very blessed & lucky indeed; and he seized my heart when he used this flat yet patriotic tone describing how the big San Diego fire was coming towards the foot of his house and he was forced to rush back before final evacuation, I just wished the complete safety for him & his cat – although I am fully aware that this fire was almost two years ago when I reached his blog.   
 
He is such a natural story-teller, even the most-likely-to-be-ignored detail with the size of a sesame, he can still turn it into a most intriguing story…
 
Oh, I am back… as to the why tonight it’s a surprise… in a good way?
 
Because, there was this god-given banjo floating out of the no-screen Shuffle, and then I heard him singing softly:- (please refer to the song & lyrics pasted above)
 
This is probably the most autobiographical song Mraz even written that I know. He is using this utterly positive attitude to look how his parents’ divorce effects on him. But it’s a well-known fact that the positive impact that such thing can give upon children is absolutely limited. I think not just JM has always wanted his music to be filled with positivity, but also, the chemistry & strong contrast emerged by using positivity on negativity is incredible & obvious.
 
Maybe because he’s reached his 30s, he has enough time to digest & settle this kind of experience. And maybe as the message he brings out in this song, whatever the parents did, if you look from a different angle, it’s all ‘love’ for a child -- whether it’s ignoring you, indifference to you, or no affection on you, only if you can stay strong & get through it, you’d have a whole new level of understanding towards life, setbacks & relationships. This is also ‘LOVE’! Even if this kind of love is given unconsciously.
 
Sometimes nonfeasance, after years of different digestion, it can be turned into some kind of efficiency.
 
Thanks to JM, I’d have my whole new definition towards LOVE.
 
Tears came out because they would like to give this follow message to their owner:- One day when you look back on the dysfunctional family, the disastrous parents’ marriage and the ridiculously-beyond-understanding horrible mother-daughter relationship, you can shrug and say:
I’m far too old to care about that now / What a fool I’d be to start complaining now / I’d love to believe it’s all about love for a child.
关键词(Tag): 父母 shuffle 离异 jason_mraz love_for_a_child
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flied-over baby blue box on one 13th-Friday afternoon

tortuous trinity 发表于 2009-03-13 18:30:43

It's been one of those frustrating, low-end depressing weeks - don't ask me why, ask the universe's energy - it was all negative for me... nothing worked, whatever I tried to do just tend to make things worse, or make myself feel worse... of course few minutes/hours' meditation, a walk in breeze, or music (recently is Jason Mraz's, in fact I am blogging now to 'Childlike wildlike' + 'Life is wonderful' + '10,000 motherfuckers' from his former acoustic album - Selections for Friends - Live From: Schubas Tavern, Chicago, Montalvo Winery, Saratoga California. GGGGGet this album on hand dudes, it's awesome!! ) would help... but solitude, oh my old friend solitude, sometimes you stay with me for so long that you just seem to have turned yourself into one demon dressed in camouflage inside of my head... struggles to fight against you are no stranger to me, sometimes it takes a big army of elephants... I wonder if you would conceal yourself a little bit?
 
But what can you do? You just need to hope that life would only get better from here...
 
And then, still while I was pondering, on this said-to-be bad luck Friday, the 13th, office door bell rang at the most neglected moment, colleague called out my name saying there was a package delivered for me?? Usually they would slip this notice inside the mailbox first to notify you and ask you to collect the parcel. But strangely today with absolutely no sign, it just came directly to my office, and of course I had to pay the mailman but I definitely wouldn't mind it considering the surprise itself is bigger than anything else.
 
You know we all like to give people things and stuff as gifts. Especially me, a lot of the shopping errands that have taken place in my life so far are for other people, people that I love & adore. Usually don't do it intentionally, just when I see something then someone's face would appear in my head... But wait, do not think I am that selfless, in fact I am totally selfish – part of the reason why I like giving people gifts is that I enjoy watching the anticipating + wondering look on their faces while they are opening up the thing. That is also why I like wrapping gifts too, because packaging IS always important. There's something about this whole 'opening up' thing, it's always so intriguing:- like opening up a parcel, a letter, or even, why do you think people (men particularly) like to watch ladies stripping?
Humans are always curious about what lies underneath, the unknown...
 
So there it is, the big white thing with post stamps on lies in front of me. I cautiously sliced it open, and took out the essence that was wrapped with the cutest brown wrapping paper printed with birds, leaves, flowers and owls, and a silver string tied around it... There was a moment I just wanted to leave it as it was - wrapped. But too soon, the curiosity wanting to know the unknown crept in, so I just had to destroy the beautiful outfit, and things just couldn't get any better – one baby blue square box appeared!!
I wonder what's inside?
 
In fact I think at this point what this baby blue box is containing is not the most important thing any more. The fact that it flied over to me all the way safe & sound from the other side of the world and reached me unexpectedly is the highlight of this one particular difficult week... Thanks Steph, your stuff always arrived at the right time...
 
Did I mention that this baby blue box comes with the nicest smell in the world... oh I see it comes from the round little red/silver thing marked with the wording 'special travel edition'... 'DKNY perfume'... I WILL be delicious...!!

Yes I did open the parcel... of course...


the baby blue Thing with a wicked cat riding on it~


up close & personal look of the wicked kitty~~


the variety of the essence ~~~

**One side note: check out the site here: freshness factor five thousand. It's my newly formed habit to check it out first thing every morning when I get to the office... it helps enable me to get on with the rest of my day... believe it or not, but this is the very first blog I visit that makes me laugh & cry while reading it...
关键词(Tag): 礼物 杂谈 包裹 jason mraz gift thoughts parcel
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春spring

tortuous trinity 发表于 2009-03-09 15:06:26




**beautiful verdure of new born leaves in spring**
住所楼下那刚出生的, 郁郁葱葱翠绿叶子

This is one of my favorite parts of a year, one of those moments that reminds me life is worth living, pain is worth suffering, boredom is worth enduring... yes, it's spring again. Here in Shenzhen, it's not as humid as it back home, and with the drought this year, no, it's not rainy at all... except for these a couple of days, man, I've never thought that spring rain could be this lovely...

Went to church last Sunday, it was the monthly Eucharist day. And usually before the bread & wine is served, the priest would call upon us to have a look back on the past month or so, and survey our own actions or words upon others, ourselves, and more importantly our interaction with God. I haven't been to church at least for 4 or 5 weeks (maybe even longer... no, I am not religious at all). And this Sunday, while others were still praying (I accidentally found myself finishing the survey faster than others, ooops~~), and I couldn't help but notice, not one, not two, but 3 ladies around me were tearing up in their prayers... 
Me, myself I am absolutely no stranger to this kind of atmosphere. In fact when I was a kid, and when my parents were up there preparing their services in the choir & everyone else were getting ready for the service in church, they would play this song in the speakers with the very holy soothing melody and calm words like 'Be quiet.. be quiet... You should be quiet...' (years later I came to know the title of this song is 'When God is in his sanctuary'), and this was the time I would close my eyes and pray and then tears would come down along my cheeks... Some years later when I was telling my father about this, and he asked me why: I don't know if it was the song, or the feeling or the prayers, but somehow I felt that I was lifted, and I was lighter, you know, lighter than before I came to church. (And I still feel that way nowadays...)

I always have my own thoughts about God and religion. And as a 'self-proclaimed' rebel, I refuse to consider God in the same way as others. To me HE is not just a higher power, a light that guides us, but also someone with spirits & humanity, and that's why HE can always be there as someone I can count on. Yes, I refuse to think of God as just God, I would like to think of him as my friend, and that is why when I am happy I can sing rock'n'roll to him, when I am sad I can sing a soulful blue song to him, maybe even when I am pissed I would curse (forgive me father for my bad temper). But HE's my friend, and HE's here with me all the time experiencing all the emotions I have in life, and the situations I need to go through. Life is full of pain, struggles and complexity as it is, what we need is someone we can release our burdens to, and search for some comforts. That's what I am looking for in religion belief. Not that "I am better than others because of what I believe", nor "I can get what I want because of what I believe & whom I pray to", nor even "I can commit as many as crimes as I want because my Lord would always spare me for what I've done and wash my sins away with his blood"... etc etc etc...

And that is also why, my friends, when you choose a religion, when you choose Jesus to be your savior, you believe it/Him just because you believe, not because of any substance. Because if your belief is based on some substance, then how would you stand on your feet and acknowledge your belief when that "something" has been taken away?

 

这是一年中我最喜爱的部分, 这样的一刻提醒着我生命是值得的, 痛苦是值得的, 苦闷也是值得的... 是的, 又是一年春来到. 深圳不像家里那么潮湿, 而且因为今年的旱情一点也不多雨.倒是这两天淅淅沥沥的下着. 但是, 天, 我从来不认为春雨会是如此可爱...

上周日去了趟教堂, 又是月首守圣餐的日子. 通常在掰饼喝杯前, 牧师都会要求我们回首过去那一个月或是某一段时间, 来审查我们对他人, 对自己说过的话, 做过的事, 更重要的是我们与神之间的互动. 我差不多有一个多月没来教堂了(可能更久... 是的, 本人一点也不虔诚). 就在这个周日,当别人还在祷告的时候(我赫然发现我的审查完的好像比别人快...), 我不禁发现, 不只一个, 不只两个, 是同时我周围有三位女士, 在祷告中落泪...

自己, 其实对这种气氛一点都不陌生. 事实上当我还小的时候, 在父母正准备着进场献唱还有其他人在预备心情礼拜的时候, 扩音器里就会响起那神圣, 抚慰人心的旋律和使人平静的话语:"肃静, 肃静, 应当肃静..." (后来我才知道这歌的名字叫"主在圣殿中"), 这时我总会紧闭起双眼开始祈祷, 然后眼泪就会缓缓从我双颊滑下. 多年后和父亲说起这事的时候父亲问我为什么: 我也不知道是因为那歌? 还是那个氛围感觉? 或是我心中的祈祷? 总之在那个时候我总觉得有股力量将我举起, 然后我就感觉我变得很轻, 比进教堂之前轻... (至今这样的感受未变...)

对上帝, 宗教, 我总有我自己的见解. 自认叛逆的我拒绝和别人一样看待神. 对于我来说, 祂不仅是一股崇高的力量, 或是一盏引导我们的明灯, 祂更是一个充满灵魂精神与人性仁慈的朋友.祂总是在我需要依靠的时候出现, 永恒不变. 是的, 我拒绝把神只当成神. 祂应该还是我的朋友, 所以当我开心的时候我冲祂大唱摇滚, 当我伤心的时候我会对祂唱忧愁的蓝调, 更或许当我愤怒的时候我会咒骂(神啊~原谅我的臭脾气). 祂是我的朋友, 祂与我同在, 感受我生命中所有的情感, 所有我必须经历的境况. 生命中充满着痛苦, 挣扎与复杂.  我们所需要的是一个我们可以依靠, 可以将我们重担交托的对象, 从而寻求安慰... 这也是我想从宗教当中索取的, 而不是"我因为我所信的而比他人优越", 或是"我能得到我想要的因为我向神祈求", 抑或更糟糕的"我可以随心所欲地犯罪因为神总能宽恕我所做的并用祂的宝血将罪洗净"... 等等等等等等...

这也是为什么, 我的朋友, 当你选择一种宗教, 当你选择耶稣作为你求主的时候, 你相信只是因为你相信, 不是因为任何一种东西. 因为如果你的信仰是建立在某种实质东西的基础上的话, 那么当这个"东西"不复存在的时候, 你又何以两脚站稳予世宣称你的信仰呢?
关键词(Tag): 宗教 春天 green spring 上帝 基督教 绿叶 religion leaves christianity
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